What can the church do to encourage spiritual formation between parents and children? The church has much to offer in this area. It is clear that when parents are unwilling or genuinely incapable of nurturing the spiritual formation of children—as when parents themselves are not Christians—the church may be the only influence for spiritual development in the child’s life. It is also possible that some parents are a negative spiritual influence—as when a parent is overly legalistic or holds to doctrinal views that are alien to the historic Christian perspective. In such cases, the church may be the only voice in the child’s life that speaks clearly, truthfully, and biblically.

In the desire to help parents accomplish their important task of spiritual formation, sometimes churches emphasize programs before programs are really needed or desired. This lack of interest is certainly discouraging to the leaders of such programs, as attendance may be low or sporadic, and too often those that attend are the parents may need help. Instead of being program‐driven, perhaps the church should be needs‐driven, particularly in this area. Often church leaders see the need for programs to help parents, and while parents may also sense the need for help, time limitations and hesitancy to commit may get in the way. There is also the sense that spirituality is the work of professionals, and a related idea that parents are not experts and thus likely to fall short in “doing it right.”

This is where the church needs to do an effective “sales job” selling parents on their own abilities, and at the same time encouraging them to try out specific approaches and be innovative in their spiritual practices with the child. How can the church “sell” parents on the task? There are several components, all of which are crucial:

1. Regular testimonials in the main congregational meeting of the week.
2. Brief, focused training sessions.
3. Multi‐media resources
4. The nudge

Weekly testimonials.
First is the necessity of regular testimonials that parents will hear. The fact is that many people that attend church only attend the regular service. Those that attend other services and programs are still likely to attend the main service. Thus the focus becomes, “Does the pastor and other leaders of the church really value the spiritual formation of children—enough to give up a few minutes of that service?”

Perhaps the best way to get at this is to ask, “Are children worth 5 Sundays a year?” If children make up even 10% of the congregation, then perhaps they deserve 5 Sundays out of the 52 each year. Actually they are worth much more than this, as they will—hopefully—be the majority of the church that pays the bills within a few years. If you lose the kids, you will usually lose the church‐‐eventually. Thus even if they are not “paying customers” in terms of being a major support to the church, they can contribute significantly in other ways, and pay their way another day. But this should go beyond just what children can provide—are they not worth the time because of the need for spiritual development, as well as becoming part of the community of God?

First objection—“If we give five Sunday to kids, we will lose everyone but their parents.” Well, that presumes that you give five entire Sundays to children. The key here is to spread the five Sundays over the entire year. If church is an hour on Sunday, then five minutes every Sunday will total fewer total minutes than would five services a year. If church lasts more than an hour, then five minutes each week becomes even less time percentage‐wise over the year.

Second objection—“But why waste five minutes of precious Sunday morning time?” This objection comes from the experience of many that five minutes of kids can be entertaining but also wasted when nothing productive is done. Five minutes of a story for kids may not motivate parents to do anything at home. If your church already has a children’s sermon or other child‐centered portion of the service, and it is doing a lot of good for the children (and not just an opportunity to laugh at the kids), then keep it up! But see if you can add five minutes to encourage parents to be spiritually involved with their kids.

What do you do for the five minutes? Make it varied, and of course interesting, but keep the goal clearly in mind—to generate interest by parents in the spiritual formation of their children. Perhaps the first such presentation should be by someone who can talk about the fact that children are far more influenced by their parents than any other source related to spirituality. Sell parents on the fact that they are capable, mistakes are ok, and that openness and love are a crucial part of the process. These themes should be repeated often—though not always at the same time. Respect the five minute time period—do not make it six minutes, as you are likely to lose the privilege of the five minutes if you go over—remember there is always the next week!

The next week, find one parent in the congregation that is doing evening bedtime prayers with their kids (or another such experience that is more typical), and have them talk for one or two minutes about the experience. Introduce the parent as a typical parent, and as just one idea that can be attempted. In the weeks to follow, let a child speak for two minutes on family spiritual activities (make certain they like what they experienced!). Have a Sunday School or children’s worker describe an experience they had in teaching, emphasizing that parents can do exactly what they did. A video now and then—if well done— is helpful. If a parent who is doing these activities with their kids can put together a three minute video, and do it well, that is ideal. A short video taken in church with kids doing an activity parents can do, also can be helpful. Some commercial videos valuable (see the web page videos at www.childfaith.net for some examples). Vary the activity, and be creative, in the use of those five minutes.

After three or four weeks, mention that you are considering the possibility of offering a three‐week learning‐practice session on faith practices for parents and children. Emphasize that it will be a small group, perhaps even in someone’s home, and will encourage hands‐on experience by role playing the spiritual formation processes. Promise not to go over an hour for each session. Emphasize that the practice sessions will not be embarrassing or difficult, and of course be prepared to offer snacks. If you get even two or three interested people, begin planning such an event at least two or three weeks out (check with the people showing interest for times that work best). Don’t wait for ten or more—you need a small group of successful people to really get the interest to pick up, and two or three can get things started (more than that is fine, of course, but more than that is fine.

Training Sessions
When you meet with your two or three people (or more), keep it casual, and make it fun. They first need to see some of the methods demonstrated, so enact one of the activities (or, if possible, make a short video with real kids and a parent—do it yourself, if need be!). Then have the parents role play the activities with one another. A key source for ideas for such activities is, of course, the book ChildFaith (see www.childfaith.net for more information). Then ask the parents to try the activity one time during the week with their kids. Again, emphasize that it does not have to be perfect to be helpful, and it does not need to take more than five to ten minutes for the activity (choose one that will be easy and successful, if possible). Don’t ask them to do it every night for a week—that’s too much—but you might say that if it doesn’t work well the first time, they are allowed to try it again later in the week. Before they leave, provide more words of encouragement, and—if possible—pass out copies of the ChildFaith book. Ask them to read the first chapter and any two additional chapters by the next week, if they can. Tell them they get double points if they can do more (of course, laugh as you say this!).

When they come back the next week, ask each parent for a report. Encourage them by re‐stating that mistakes are ok, the important thing is to give it a try. If some have not done the “homework” assignment, emphasize that God is a God of second chances, so they can give it a try during the coming week. Encourage open discussion of any difficulties they are facing in the process. Let parents talk to each other about their experiences—try to network parents so they can talk to each other by phone during the week, or possibly have their kids meet together with another family in the group for such activities (but make sure they take turns, so everyone learns how to do this). After discussing their activities the previous week, discuss the ideas in the chapters of the book that they read. Since parents are likely to have read different chapters, this session is likely to involve parents selling one another on an idea they read about. Choose one of the ideas—best chosen before the session—and teach it. Again, use role playing and—if possible—videos of parents actually doing what is being discussed. The assignment from the book is to read any three additional chapters. Again, at the end, encourage them to try the new activity at some point during the week with their kids, and to try the previous week’s activity again at another point of the week.

The third week, have parents report on their experiences with their kids, and report on their readings. Remind them this is the last formal session, but they can keep on reading and informally discussing the ideas with one another (exchanging phone numbers or email addresses is a good idea). Teach them one more method using role playing and possible videos. Then ask them if they would be willing to give a brief report of one of their activities in the church, or if one of their kids could give such a report (encourage them to stay with a two or three minute time limit). Writing it out in advance is not a bad idea, while a video could be terrific (if well edited). If they beg for another session, of course consider extending the sessions. You can also use successful parents in the next three‐week series, to help in coaching and role‐playing, as well as talking about their experiences.

Multimedia
A third aspect of this approach is to use multiple forms of media effectively. Encourage parents to take videos of their experiences, and share them with one another. Use the video of story acting as an example (see www.childfaith.net). Encourage them to realize mistakes on video are ok, because it communicates to other parents that they don’t have to be perfect to be effective. I encourage you to post videos on your church web site or even public systems like archive.org or youtube.com (with permission from parents and children, of course). Please post a note on the discussion board about your videos (see below).

We have set up a discussion board that you can join to discuss the ideas in the book with other parents who are interested in this approach. You can post pictures and videos, as well as blog about your experiences. There is also a place for discussions and special events. The page is located at: www.childfaith.ning.com. Of course, email and church web sites can also be a source of information and dialogue. If you don’t know a great deal about these media, find someone at church that does, and have them teach you‐‐or do it for you, if you don’t take well to technology. Ideally, one of your parents may be able to help.

In the process, don’t forget more traditional outlets for encouraging parents. If your church has a mailed newsletter or announcements page, use it to discuss the training sessions and even repeat the five minute highlight of the week from the previous morning service. Every time people hear or see something about the importance of parents and children mutually involved in spiritual development, the more likely it will be that they will see this church as committed to this important task. Many of us need to both hear and see what is being discussed for it to connect (this is as true within teaching sessions and five minute presentations, as it is for media). Publicize, encourage, and be creative in the process!

A Little Nudge
Sometimes parents need a little extra nudge to try out something new with the kids, such as spiritual formation activities. Here is a suggestion that might be tried, but it would be easy to overdo and could backfire if not used with great caution. In church someone could tell part, or even all of a story (acting it out is especially vivid), using simple objects such as stuffed animals, dolls, and other common toys. Then suggest that parents tell the remainder of the story (or tell the story again) with special take-home additions. At the end of the service, pass out a small bag of inexpensive papers or other small objects to each parent, that can be used as they tell the story to their children. It is likely the kids will encourage the parents to tell the story (or finish the story) once they get home, and as a result there is a small beginning to parent-child spiritual formation. Again, this can easily be overdone and creating undue pressure could result in resistance. On the other hand, this might be the nudge that some parents need to try a spiritually formative practice, give them success, and encourage them to try other things. I would suggest you only try the "nudge" once, and only repeat it if you get very positive responses from most of the parents. Even then only nudge once in awhile.

For example, in church a leader might tell the story of the plagues of Egypt, and the deliverance that resulted. One or two of the plagues could be left out, with the promise that parents will have the details of the other plagues. Suggest that some parents may even want to tell the whole story again, and actually show the kids something representing each of the plagues. Then send home a bag with homemade or commercial drawings of some of the plagues, such as lice, boils, and so on. Interestingly, some home decoration stores have peel-on peel-off plastic stickers with drawings of bugs that might be used--intended for wall decorations, but that could be placed anywhere and easily removed. Plastic bug stickers on the teddy bears--or even on the kids--would make the point vividly! An alternative to stickers would be toys that represent the plagues. Of course, include a sheet of instructions for the parents, and a short account of the story.

After parents have demonstrated the story by using the stickers or toys provided, the kids can take turns telling the story with the objects. The voices of the various characters in the story (represented again by stuffed animals or dolls), and even the voices of the bugs (!), can be shared by different kids, taking turns being different characters with each retelling (this is more fully described in the book ChildFaith). Children can then share the story with others, using the stuffed animals or dolls and other materials. They may want to share it with peers, grandparents, and even with elderly people in a nursing home, people in a homeless shelter or other contexts. Don't forget that children can share their ministry abilities with others!

Conclusion
Please keep other parents (and us!) informed about the activities in your church. Log on to the ChildFaith discussion web site (see the right tab at the top of this page), and tell the world what you are doing in your church. Upload pictures from church and families who are doing the spiritual formation activities, and any videos that show this as well. Tell us the story of how your church is encouraging parents and their children in spiritual formation. You may also want to include web sites you are using that are helpful in this task (please include the web addresses). If you have new ideas, or creative adaptations of the ideas provided here (or in the book!), please add those to the discussions and forums as well. This is a community effort—the community of God working to encourage one another in this important task of nurturing—and being nurtured by—the youngsters in our families and churches. We can all learn from one another!